From the funny files

Workout not even halfway done: Report
OTTAWA – That goddamn clock on the wall that you’re convinced is slow anyway just now reported that no, you’re not even halfway through your workout. Not even close, not by a long shot. Despite your best efforts to forget about the hour you were about to spend flopping around on the Pilates Reformer like an arthritic walrus and simply lose yourself in the motion, you couldn’t help your goddamn self and had to look, didn’t you?

In related research, the cute girl who smiled at you at the end of class last time has moved to Denver to be with her boyfriend.