Fight song

This month’s writing exercise was to produce 400 words based on a song that asked a question. I received Patti Page’s number-one novelty song, How Much is that Doggie in the Window?

“I hate this fucking song,” he said.

“I know,” she said. “I do, too.”

“Then why did you put it on again?”

He knew why.

It wasn’t because of an ironic fondness on either of their parts for American novelty songs, of which this was a prime example.

Nor was it because it brought back fond memories of their childhood. Because neither had any.

No. This was their fight song.

They had made it so the first time it had come into their respective orbits.

It was early in their relationship – that “feeling out” stage when two parties inevitably judge each other’s likes and dislikes to assess the viability of a long-term partnership.

Served up by the vagaries of YouTube’s recommendation engine, they shared an instant and visceral dislike of it. She actually said the saccharine lyrics made her teeth hurt. He said the barking effects should have been declared war crimes.

The song was so outside their respective likes and hates and daily rhythms that for either party to hear it was an unambiguous signal that something was wrong.

The agreement had two parts: first, that once the song was played, all other activity had to come to a complete stop so they could discuss the problem. Second, that whoever had pressed play had the length of the song – two minutes and fifty-eight seconds, to be exact – to explain the nature of the problem and propose a solution.

It had proven to be a remarkably effective approach. Many of their friends now had their own fight songs.

He had heard the song his share of times over the past three years. Typically, they’d averaged three or four sessions a year over the past three years. Less so in recent months, and for the first time in a long time he was feeling more positive about their relationship than usual.

Which made today’s playing so jarring. It was day one of their vacation.

It was going to be a long drive.

Note: Written by Bob Merrill and released in 1952 at the apogee of America’s post-war cultural might, Patti Page’s original actually went to Number One on the Billboard and Cash Box charts and sold two million copies. The UK cover by Liza Rota hit the top of the UK charts a year later, the first time a British singer had ever done so. (Wikipedia).